


Summer Came and Went

by lady_mab



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Gen, in which the rising never happened and no one died, well except for Rick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-09
Updated: 2014-12-09
Packaged: 2018-02-28 20:10:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2745455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lady_mab/pseuds/lady_mab
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the start of something, as summer fades into fall. Given a new lease on life, Kieren gears himself up for a new school.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of the same universe as [my christmas fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2690462). Everything is going to be grouped by 'seasons' and Summer is sort of the prologue to that.

“Kieren Walker... Are you ready?”

The boy in question, just barely eighteen, he felt like, though really it had been half a year, fidgeted in the uncomfortable plastic chair of the doctor’s office. “I don’t really think so.” His wrists still burned, and the skin pulled in the memory of the stitches.

“And why not?”

“I just...” His hands flopped in his lap, a meaningless gesture because the doctor couldn’t see them from around his desk. “I’m scared.”

Doctor Russo nodded solemnly, understanding the importance of those words. “You are going to be scared for a very long time, Kieren. You’re returning to a world you didn’t think you would have to, and there are going to be consequences that you will have to face because of that.” He folded his hands together on top of his desk, and for a moment, Kieren was glad that he didn’t jot something down on the notepad before him. “Do you still feel depressed?”

He laughed despite himself, a short bark of sound that erupted from a dark part of him he had tried to ignore for a month. “I don’t think that’s ever going to go away, Doctor.”

“No... no it’s not. It’s just a matter of if you are going to let it control you or not.” He fixed Kieren with a stare, waiting until the boy didn’t flinch away from his eye contact before asking, “Are you going to let this control you, Kieren Walker?”

It was a strange question to ask, scars on his wrists and a hospital-issued plastic band poking out from the sleeves of his worn jacket. It was a strange question to ask when he had to take pills every day to ensure that the darkness wouldn’t attempt to drown him again. But at the same time, he could understand the originality of the question. “No, Doctor Russo,” he finally said, and he was rewarded with a confident smile from the doctor. “I don’t think I am.”

“Good. That’s good. I hear you’re going to go back to school, is that right?” Now, he started to make notes on the pad of paper, but it felt more acceptable to do so now than it did before.

Kieren nodded, then followed up with a muttered, “Yes, Sir,” when he realized that the doctor was still looking away.

“Art, I believe?”

“Yes.”

“Ah, perhaps one day you can let me hang a painting of yours in here. Liven up these dreary walls a bit, hm?” He smiled, one that was both comforting and a little stifling. Kieren liked his smile, liked his confidence -- he wished he could have it for himself.

After aborting the attempt to return the smile, Kieren pushed himself to his feet. Doctor Russo did the same, holding out a hand over his desk. “I look forward to hearing about your progress, Kieren. Please, keep me updated, even while you’re away at school. They will have counselors for you on hand, of course, but I hope that you would think of me every now and again.”

They shook hands, though he was careful to keep his sleeve covering the heel of his palm.

Outside the office, Kieren’s parents waited for him. Sue’s expression was strained, but free of any tears. Those had all been shed when he woke up in the hospital a day and a half after he never wanted to wake up again. Steve smiled awkwardly from behind her shoulder, reaching around to shake Doctor Russo’s hand.

His eyes jumped from one side of the hall to the other, as if the person that wasn’t there to greet him would magically appear. “Where’s Jem?”

His parents exchanged a look that clearly meant _she didn’t want to come_. “She had to go to school, Kier,” Sue said, squeezing his elbows fondly. That was a safe zone. Anything above the elbows, just in case. “A big project coming up.”

“Oh.” He nodded, attempted to smile, and knew that it would only just look like a grimace.

Steve moved to pat Kieren’s shoulder, giving a gentle squeeze until he had his son’s eyes back on him. “Ready to go home?”

 _Home._ One word was all it took, but it was enough for the weight of his returned life against his shoulders. Despite his best efforts to control his emotions, tears pooled in the corners of his eyes and the smile came naturally -- exhausted, broken, but the first real smile in a very long time. “Yeah. I am.”

Sue made a little fluttering motion with her hands up in the area of her face, a _I promised myself I wasn’t going to cry but now you’re crying and now I want to cry_ sort of gesture. In the end, she linked her arm around Kieren’s and rested her head against his shoulder as they walked out of the hospital and to the car park.

The back seat was already packed with his dufflebag of clothes and the few remaining flowers and gifts from family members and friends. He slid in alongside them, long legs having to bend at stiff angles to fit in the seat.

The late summer warmth flooded the car, but as soon as the engine started and they could roll down the windows, it eased a bit. Kieren rested his head against the side of the door frame, closing his eyes and enjoying the sun on his skin and the wind in his hair.

 _Small steps,_ he told himself in Doctor Russo’s voice. _Remember to appreciate the small, beautiful things when you don’t think you can appreciate anything else._

He had always enjoyed summer. It meant no school. It meant swimming at the community pool one town over. It meant staying out late and breaking rules. It meant Rick’s birthday, and the short few hours they could steal together in the evenings.

Kieren pulled his jacket further down his arms, the hem nearly reaching his fingers. It was almost too warm with the long sleeves, but autumn was coming early.

He didn’t think he liked summer as much anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

At home, things were much the same as when he left with the intention of not coming back, only now the practically screamed their sameness at him. It’s almost as if at every turn, he is confronted with the question of _what would this have been like if I didn’t come back?_

His room was tidier than he remembered -- undoubtedly the work of his mum going in to tidy it when she couldn’t handle his absence. His paintbrushes cleaned to the point where they could have been new, the faint stains of oils and pastels he had left on his desk or the walls in his haste to move from one color to the next scrubbed to obscurity.

He could almost imagine his mum in here, sponge in hand and a bottle of cleaner in the other. The rage and frustration and utter relief on her face as she attacked one bruise after another. Making her son’s room spotless when she couldn’t do the same for his head or his heart.

Kieren was afraid to touch anything in his room the first few days. He slept on top of the blankets, not wanting to turn them down. He wore the clothes he had kept in his duffle bag after the hospital. He looked at the paintings, and the posters, and the few knick knacks littering available surfaces, and he wondered just whose life this was.

It certainly didn’t feel like his.

He spent the bulk of August wandering around his house and the neighborhood in silence, observing everything. Suddenly so much more aware of the life pulsing around him -- even in such a small, quiet village like Roarton.

Jem was the only one who didn’t make an effort to pretend like everything was the same. He didn’t know if he appreciated that or not. His parents tread on eggshells to ensure they didn’t mention Rick, or the cave, or that evening. It was easy enough to avoid mentioning the Macys in general, after Bill had banned Kieren from the house. But he wasn’t the only one that lost someone when they received the news of the IED and Rick.

Jem had lost a friend, too. It had always been the three of them, teaming up against the other neighborhood kids in snowball fights or pumpkin carving or whose sparkler could last the longest. Rick always had taken their side (when it didn’t matter) (not to say that those events didn’t matter in the important way that childhood made them matter -- it just wasn’t the same as when it did matter, when Kieren felt the sting of cruel words far stronger than he would a snowball in the back of the head).

She had accepted his apology with silence and a curt, strained nod. “But I don’t forgive you,” she added as he turned to leave her room.

He stood in her doorway, facing down the hall, towards his room, the stairs, awash in the dim evening glow coming in from the windows. Behind him, her walls were covered with more posters than he remembered -- how did she get so many in the span of less than a month? Or had it really just been that long since he last came into her room?

“Kieren, do you hear me? I don’t forgive you for what you did.”

He turned and looked at his younger sister, her expression set and rife with resistance. Daring him to beg, to show the weakness they both knew lurked beneath the surface. “Someone has to hold me accountable, right?” He might have managed a smile, but he couldn’t really tell. His entire body felt numb.

The tension wavered and broke. Jem practically tripped over her legs as she spilled out of her bed and into his arms for a fierce hug. “You git. What would you do without me?”

He left the question unanswered. They both already knew.


	3. Chapter 3

It was just over two weeks since his release from the hospital that he found himself once against sitting across the desk from someone reviewing his file. Only this time, it was the dean of the college he was supposed to start attending in a week and a half.

She glanced at him from over the wire rim of her glasses. “You understand that we’re making a very unusual exception for you, Mr Walker.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He fidgeted nervously, and wished that he had taken up his dad’s offer to let him sit in on the meeting. Instead, Steve went off to run other errands while in town.  

“After discussing it with the board, we felt it would be a shame to have to ask you to reapply next year for the scholarship. So you get to keep your position as an incoming student this upcoming fall semester, and you get to keep your scholarship.” She handed a sheaf of papers across the table. “One of our student volunteers will help you with picking out your schedule and show you around campus, since you did miss orientation. She will be able to answer any further questions for you, but don’t hesitate to seek out the Office of Student Affairs for any lingering concerns.”

The dean rose to her feet, and Kieren jerked to his as well. “It’s a pleasure to have you as a student here, Mr Walker. I am glad you are able to join us.”

“Thank you, ma’am.” His lips twitched upward, the semblance of a smile as he shook her hand. With his papers clutched against his chest, he rounded the chair and headed for the door to her office.

Just outside, in the waiting area, a woman a few years older than him practically vibrated with excitement. He watched her eyes light up as they looked at each other, and before he could fully prepare himself, she bounded up next to him in a swirl of colors and petticoats. “You must be Kieren!” She took his hand and pumped it up and down with far more energy than he thought possible. “I’m Amy. I’m a grad student here. Is this your first time on the campus?”

“No, uh...” His brain struggled with keeping up with her flow of conversation, short as it was. “I came to visit the campus last fall when I was trying to decide where to go.”

“Well, I’m glad you picked here. Come on then, handsome, let’s get you enrolled in some classes.” She looped her arm around his and, despite his sputtered surprise, navigated them through the halls with ease. “Now, I’ve taken the liberty of going around and trying to find a good selection of classes that still have available seats. There are even some studio slots still available so you’ll be set there.”

Kieren did his best to go with the flow until she showed him to a computer in the Student Affairs lobby. “Were you assigned to me?”

Amy clucked in disapproval. “No, of course not. They sent out an email to those of us volunteering over the summer to see if we would be interested in helping and I just _had_ to!” She reached up and ruffled his hair -- something he was so used to pretending that he didn’t like that the wince came automatically to his face. Her hand jumped away, and the smile paused. “Sorry.”

“Er, no, I’m sorry.” He shifted awkwardly in his chair, looking down at his hands and tugging at his sleeves. “I’m just... used to only two people doing that.”

“People you could give a hard time, eh?” She grinned again, as if nothing had happened, but kept her hands in her lap. “Siblings?”

“One, yeah. The other...” Kieren trailed off, unsure of if he wanted to even mention what Rick was -- had been, never really was, could have been.

Amy understood all the same. “I’m a very physical person, so just let me know if I make you uncomfortable.”

He hesitated, finally forcing himself to look at her. “Thanks.”

Her head quirked at the curious response, but it didn’t dampen her expression in the slightest. “Now, about those classes...”


	4. Chapter 4

Three hours later, after figuring out his schedule for the upcoming year, watching a spirited debate between Amy and the acting manager of the Student Housing Office over something that had nothing to do with student housing, a tour of the campus, and lunch at one of the few open dining halls, Kieren met his dad at the agreed upon cafe in town.

He collapsed into the chair across from Steve, staring at the print out of his schedule.

“Everything alright, Kier?”

He wondered what his expression must look like to his dad to make him ask that question. “Yeah,” he said. “Really good.”

“What sort of classes will you be taking?”

Kieren turned around the schedule so his dad could see it. “There weren’t a lot of options, but at least I got studio space and an art history lecture so I can get started on that.” He fished out his wallet, squinting up at the menu above the counter.

Steve made a small huff that might have been a laugh. “A literature class? Didn’t take you to be the type to consider one of those. What’s the topic?”

He shrugged, pulled out a few bills, and shrugged again. “Irish literature, I think. Amy said she was the aide for that class, and so... it seemed like a nice idea to have a class with someone that I know.”

“Amy?”

“She’s a grad student and apparently likes to volunteer for the Office of Student Affairs during the summer. She’s the one who helped me get registered and everything.” He indicated to the register. “You want anything?”

Steve waved his hand and set the schedule back on the table. He looked like he wanted to say something, but swallowed it down and put on a smile instead.

Kieren knew that expression. It was another avoided attempt at talking about him and how things had been progressing since he came home from the hospital. But it was a warm smile, and so even though the words weren’t spoken, he understood their sentiment all the same. 


End file.
